How to deal with others without stressing up even with the hardest one
I understand by writing this short view that might open up a lot of controversial thoughts in you. The idea that I would love to reshare is not to permit someone to do a “bad thing” or to make us accept all of the harm that is done to us or others, yet this view will let us able to release much of the need of feeling too much of psychological hurt.
This view might not be new, maybe most of us know it but do not implement it in our daily life.
There are 4 ways to look at someone
- People are broken
- Each people are unique
- It is just the fact that it’s how the person behaves
- There is always a reason for someone behavior
let us put these views into our daily life examples.
Imagine you have a friend called John
you have known john for 10 years, he is a great person and very helpful to others.
one day you walk around the neighborhood and you see John look so furious when he is standing in front of an old homeless person and he keeps yelling at him and said ” you are the worst person on earth what a junkie why should I help you” over and over again.
You know the homeless person as well and you know he is just a bad break, he is not a junkie he was laid off due to bad investments.
when we see this situation we can see John as
Broken: you start to have a different way of viewing who John is, maybe these years he is just wearing a mask to trick all of us. We believe that John needs to be fixed and to be turned around to be right.
This is also where people start to feel utmost disappointment, our disappointment is not because John was angry but our perceived character of John is now broken.
Some therapists will look at a client from this view as well that the client that comes to them is broken, liars, etc and they are trying to fix them, to analyze their lie.
Unique: when we see every person is a unique individual, we might start to judge the behavior separately from the person. maybe John just doesn’t like him due to something that the homeless did to him before we see John yelling at him.
Fact: When we see John’s anger toward the homeless person as a fact that we see on that day, we won’t feel much disappointment if we see John as broken aren’t we everyone will have a bad day and it’s just a fact that John is angry toward that homeless guy. if we remove our “self” or connection to John and view the situation the emotional attachment toward the incident will be different.
Always a reason: The last one is what I believe and apply in how I see others and I found it helps me a lot of the time to minimize my emotional distress, though sometimes others will say why you are siding someone wrong.
I believe that we are who we are because of our past. ( our childhood brought up, parents, trauma, etc. )
How about if after we are talking to John we found out that John’s father was a drug addict and giving the rest of the family the worst life situation? He was abusive, the family is in poverty, his mother end up running away and John stuck with his father. that is where John promise himself that he would be kind and always help others.
But when John meets the homeless man for the first time, the homeless man resembles exactly like his father, the smell, the look, the way he talks. and John feels overwhelmed and relieves all of his pain.
when you know all of this reason for John’s subconscious trigger now, do you view the situation differently? and this is what we help others with hypnotherapy, to release them from the past that haunts them so that they could live as a whole again.
Remember that “Hurt people hurt people and often without knowing it”.
With this sharing, I would leave the choice to be on your hand on how you would view others but I would recommend you to try to see there is the root reason for others’ behavior with compassion.